Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica

I recently had a fun Twitter exchange that brought my deep-seated love for the US version of the television show The Office roaring back. So, I’m going to change this up a bit and bring you a poem I wrote in college that lists most, if not all, of Jim Halpert’s pranks on Dwight Schrute. Oh yes, it was so much fun to write (mostly because that meant I had to go research the pranks).

Without further ado, I present “Jim for Dwight”.

I give up my Jell-o which is the container for staplers.
I give up my wrapping paper which is his desk.
I give up my nickels which add weight to his phone.
I give up my money which is his name.
I give up my personal ID badge which is his security threat level.
I give up his cell phone which is his top secret mission.
I give up his friendship which is meaningless if I am a vampire.
I give up my Altoids which are his training.
I give up my teeth which drip down his throat.
I give up my box which is his hiding space.
I give up his resume which doesn’t include his martial arts training.
I give up the bathroom area which contains his desk.
I give up my Thursday which is his Friday.
I give up the vending machine which has his belongings.
I give up my major which is his motivational speech.
I give up my interrogation which is his investigation.
I give up my crayons which are his pencils.
I give up my latex glove which is his murder conviction.
I give up my line of sight which is his annoyance.
I give up my voice which is his doctor’s visit.
I give up my secret telekinesis which is his shock.
I give up her privacy which is his abandoned infant.
I give up my macro which is his new name.
I give up inches of office space which is his desk location.
I give up my metal detector which is their gaydar.
I give up my faxes which are his warnings of the future.
I give up my meeting which threatens Stanley.
I give up her stripper which may be the real Ben Franklin.
I give up my sharpie ink which is the face of the flasher.
I give up her computer’s name which is his competition.
I give up my Bluetooth which is his phone.
I give up my stopwatch which is his time theft.
I give up my red wire and duct tape which is trail.
I give up my advice which is his new purse.
I give up my business casual which is his memo.
I give up my quiet which is his listening device.
I give up him who is his best opponent.
I give up my identity which is the sincerest form of flattery.

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